Be the first one to love
Wednesday, November 18, 2009I don’t blame people for thinking that my musings on love is limited to its often tragic unrequited nature usually associated with suicide, black manliner and sad, sad 80’s music. Given my vomit inducing facebook status and multiply blog entries that narrate my sliding down bathroom walls drenched in tears, I’m surprised I haven’t been hauled into a mental institute by friends.
But thanks to recent experiences at work and life in general my reflections of love have been, let’s just say, different.
It’s a given that the life of a Jesuit Volunteer is difficult. You are called to spend 10 months in an underserved area, with a culture that’s even more otherworldly to you than its residents. You will become a teacher, sometimes a youth organizer or a community organizer . You will live in simplicity and solidarity with the poor, away from everyone and everything you’ve ever known your entire life – your family, your friends, the parties, the expensive restaurants, the regular trips to the mall for shopping and movies.
But really, after talking to some of the thirtieth batch of volunteers a couple of weeks back during their midyear seminar in Misamis Oriental, one realizes that leaving everything behind may actually be the easy part. I remember one of the volunteers telling me, with the sun setting behind us, that back in her area, she’s been having troubles with one person. She’s doing very well with work and with the rest of the community, except that one person who’s been giving everyone, especially her, a hard time. But she says she’s okay, she can handle it. They just go about their business and ignore her and let her be. I force a smile and see the sun at the corner of my eye. And I remember this line from a letter in the internet “written” by God. It says “know that with every sunset I am thanking you.” I smile at her and hug her.
I go back to my room and feel restless. And it comes to me.
As a teacher or a youth organizer you will be judged by how you work and by the results of that performance. How many students were able to raise their grades? How much money were you able to raise for the organization? And as a teacher or a youth organizer, it would seem best to simply ignore those who give us a hard time for no apparent reason for as long as we accomplish our tasks efficiently. But, and this is where the burden of a volunteer becomes heavier, we are not sent to live in marginalized communities for ten months simply to teach or organize concerts and seminars. We are sent, more than anything else, to love.
The difficult thing about being a Jesuit Volunteer is that you have to become a teacher or a youth organizer to strangers in a strange land (strange to you, that is.) The even more difficult part is that beyond being a teacher and youth organizer you have to love even those that make you want to hammer a nail in your eye.
And this is where the lot of becoming human becomes inconceivably heavier. For really, the call to love is not exclusive to Jesuit Volunteers. We are not here merely as corporate managers, NGO workers, vendors, businessmen, bloggers, students, parents, janitor. We are here to love and serve each other.
The love that God calls us to is absolute. The passage about loving ones neighbor tells us that: what credit is it to you to love someone who loves you back? Nada. That is apple pie, cherry pie, chicken pie. Credit is given to you for loving your enemies, those who hate your guts, those who make each day a living hell, those who bring you down, those who gossip behind your back, those who spit in your face, those who can’t seem to know what love is.
We must understand that love is both the goal and the means, which is why we ask ourselves what the most loving thing to do is in every situation. (And truly it makes practical sense, to love. To render effective service in a community, you must first know the community and its needs. For you to know them, you have to open yourself up, go out and let them in.)
As Jesuit Volunteers, and as humans actually, we are asked to overcome a lot in order to love and serve those who have been forgotten by society. We are asked to live in simplicity and solidarity. But more than overcoming the lifestyle that we are used to, we are asked to overcome ourselves. True simplicity, the detachment from inordinate attachments, asks us to let go of anger, pride, discrimination, hate, fear, expectations, disappointments and many more things that have taken roots in our hearts, that have sucked its soil dry and undernourished. We must love. We must be the first one to love.
Do not wait, swallow your pride, your anger, your fear. You must be the first one to love. We must love even when it’s difficult.
We must love even when it’s illogical. We must love even when it’s impossible. And if you succeed in doing this look at the sunset and know that He is thanking you. If you succeed in doing this, give me a call and tell me how.
